Originally published on Film Threat
www.filmthreat.com
A review by Phil Hall

"Alias Batman and Robin" ("Alyas Batman en Robin")
***½ (out of 5 stars)
Directed by Tony Y. Reyes, produced by Regal Films, screenplay by Joey De
Leon and Tony Y. Reyes, cinematography by Oscar Querijero, editing by Eduardo
Jarlego, music by Mon Del Rosario.

Starring Rene Resquiestas, Dawn Zulueta, Vina Morales, Kempee De Leon, Joey
De Leon.

1993. In Tagalog. Not rated. Shocking Videos
www.revengeismydestiny.com


The Turkish film industry is celebrated for its unique habit of taking
Hollywood classics and remaking them into surreal, no-budget ripoffs ("The
Turkish Wizard of Oz," "The Turkish Star Wars"). While these films inspired
audiences around the world to laugh themselves silly, they seem to have also
inspired a group of filmmakers in the Philippines to display a happy
disregard for copyright laws and good sense in making their own no-budget
ripoff. While the 1993 "Alias Batman and Robin" may not match the Turkish
output in terms of sheer lunacy, it nonetheless hypnotizes the unsuspecting
audience by mercilessly stomping over Bob Kane's beloved creations in an
outlandish so-bad-it's-good production.

This time around, the Caped Crusaders are actually brothers who live in
Manila (which is occasionally and confusingly referred to as Gotham City).
The older brother has no immediate source of income, although he lives in a
mansion decorated with some of the clumsiest artwork this side of a
kindergarten finger-painting class. The younger brother is the star of the
local high school swim team, and his shirtless presence creates such a riot
among the young girls that they break into a swimming meet and chase him
around the pool in a screaming frenzy. Much to their chagrin, their beloved
Manila/Gotham is being vandalized by three extraordinary villains: the Joker
(who sports a heavy handlebar mustache in the midst of his whiteface
make-up), the Penguin (who wears the top hat and morning suit while sporting
a baby umbrella and a four-foot-long cigarette holder) and Catwoman (who
wears a sequined red mask, a red cape and a blue bodysuit). These criminals
travel with a fairly large number of associate miscreants: men in pinstriped
suits who carry Uzis and women in evening gowns who provide support in the
musical numbers.

Yes, musical numbers. It seems Joker, Penguin and Catwoman can't resist
breaking into song and dance while stealing bags of cash from the local
banks. Indeed, they are so inspiring that the bank tellers find themselves
waving their arms and wiggling their bodies in time to the criminal music.
But all good songs have to come to an end, and eventually Batman and Robin
swing into action with their fists ready. Unfortunately, no one in the
Philippines seems to know how to throw a decent punch and the Caped Crusaders
and their male foes actually fight like a bunch of girls. The real girls
don't even bother fighting: at the first sign of trouble, Catwoman's distaff
gang runs away while the feline foe tries to kick Batman in the teeth but
winds up subdued when Batman bites her on the neck.

"Alias Batman and Robin" also gives Batman a love interest in the shapely
body of Angelique, a reporter who bears more than a passing resemblance to
Margot Kidder's incarnation as Lois Lane in the Superman films. Batman
actually brings her back to his Batcave and serves her his own special brand
of Batcoffee. Later in the film, Batman dreams of saving Angelique from a
gang of thugs who invade her swimming pool, but Batman loses his mask in the
commotion and winds up wearing Angelique's bikini top across his face to keep
himself disguised.

While this is going on, Joker and Penguin keep finding their way back into
the crime scene. This is curious, since during the course of the film they
are actually arrested three times. At one point, they escape from jail by
dismantling the toilet in their prison cell and sliding down the pipes into
the sewers! This dastardly pair even tries to pull a heist dressed as Batman
and Robin, but the real Dynamic Duo show up and soon everyone is slapping
each other silly. Eventually the film concludes with the entire cast
standing in a park lot singing and dancing "Let's Be Good, Not Bad" to the
melody of the old doo-wop song "At the Hop." Angelique the reporter dresses
herself as Wonder Woman for this number, for no very clear reason. In the
midst of this madness, a dwarf in a Spiderman costume, a sumo wrestler, and a
man dressed like Peter Pan (none of whom had anything to do with the film)
abruptly appear and shimmy back and forth.

In many ways, "Alias Batman and Robin" is a must-see campfest. Everything
about the film is hopelessly wrong, from the shabby Halloween costumes worn
by the eponymous heroes to the painfully embarrassing fight sequences where
jabs fly a good 10 inches in front of faces while the soundtrack is clogged
with clunky sound effects simulating connecting punches. Most of the film
was clearly shot in private residences, schools and offices, giving the film
an on-the-cheap home movie look while unintentionally forcing a lethal dose
of reality into the world of the costumed crimefighters and their comic-mad
enemies. Unlike the 1960s TV series or the Tim Burton films, which had
specialized art decoration and set design to play up the comic book effect,
"Alias Batman and Robin" puts its characters in the real world and thus
exposes the inanity of the concept in having two men in capes and masks doing
the job that departments packed with professional law enforcement officers
are incapable of handling.

But truth be told, "Alias Batman and Robin" is hardly a non-stop joy. The
film takes a particularly long time to get moving and often it lurches to
strange stops for the most idiotic reasons (Robin and his high school sweetie
sing a pop song love duet, Batman inexplicably vanishes and Robin has to
fight a carload of villains on his own). Nor does it help that the entire
cast is challenged in the charisma department; it is hard to recall another
film where so many uninteresting people find themselves together in a single
production.

Yet despite these problems, "Alias Batman and Robin" should be sought out by
fans of the Caped Crusaders and those who take a perverse joy in experiencing
the very best of the very worst of global cinema. Holy masochistic pleasure,
Batman!